Sunday, June 28th, 2009

Time	Event
5:06p	Players! God, I love the cluelessness demon that occasionally strikes players. Take yesterday for example - the game consisted of sneak into the enemy base using subterfuge, get the 3 keys off the 3 bandit leaders. Use them to unlock the store room, remove artefact, and get out. They'd been told the reason they had so much information was that there was an informant on the inside, but they couldn't be told who - but they did have a question-and-answer key that would allow them to know who it was. They'd also been told the three holders of the keys were the elven necromancer, the orc warrior, and the human might priest. On the way into the base, the players actually have a conversation about how it was so strange that a might priest was associating with bandits. Then they walked into him. And darted him to death, after sleeping him, and doing panicky dances all over the path while chanting 'WTF do we DOOOO?????' Then they, still in their panic, do their best to remove said dead priest from the corridor and stuff him into a supply closet. The call of 'if you cado it, you can do it' went out when these elves tried to lift a heavily armoured priest to hide him. I've never gotten to many OOC glares marred by laughter in my life. Of course, they never even thought about checking if he was the informant. Neither did they remember to collect the key until they were OOC reminded of it during a battleboard. They then slept the elven necromancer, which disturbed the rest of the bandits chilling out in the staff room, and persuaded them that the necromancer was gravely hurt because he'd lost control of his zombies. They then went to the orc warrior to 'warn him'. They then, I'm told using some very, very dodgy moves with a staff, seduced the orc warrior. MEanwhile the bandits decided to also steal the key and get the gold out of the store room and run off with it, so they killed the remaining zombies, and then tried to finish off the necromancer, who then woke up and ran off to the orc warrior. The bandits then decided to cut their losses and make off with what they could. So they stole the coffee machine and scarpered. The necromancer manages to interrupt the orc JUST as they've finally managed to pick pocket the key off him -Naraja on one side while Sula did her best to distract on the other side. This of course that the necromancer's warning cry of 'Intruders!' was met with a very self pleased response of 'Three on three action!' from the orc. Players then scarper. Orc decides necromancer is in need of killing as he can't control his zombies and interrupted his 'special private time'. AND THEN decide maybe they'd best see what those elves were up to. Meanwhile, the players make it to the store room, and after some determined rooting through stuff, find the artefact and scarper. My god, but the genuine fear on their faces as they could hear these orcs coming up the path towards them was priceless. Awesome game. And they are so in trouble with the temple of Might for offing one of their priests. :D:D:D (Comment on this)
9:35p	Gor. So, a couple of weeks ago while at Shadowrun, pujaemuss mentioned he'd gone to a place giving away books for free, and had stumbled across - and taken, for shits and giggles, mostly - a handful of the Gor books. I decided I'd take a few and give them a read through to see what all the fuss was about - for those that don't know, these things are infamous for their lack-of-anything-to-make-them-readable. One of them is the book whose front cover is shown in the Wiki article linked above. I just want you to take a closer look for a second - pay particular attention to the man's facial expression. Yes, there is a man who proudly has a woman. And has no idea what the fuck to do with her. So he knocked her unconscious, stripped most of her clothes off, and wondered around the forest with her, grinning like an idiot all the while. But women are heavy, doncha know, so that grin becomes a grimace before long, and there you end up at the scene depicted there. Another was Beasts of Gor. I don't know what to say to this cover illustration, becaus it almnost snarks itself. The woman in the background is only recognizable as a woman due to the prounounced curve of her hip. Her face is unrecognisable as human, with cheeks and a forehead so large that you can't actually see any signs of eyes - there are just dark hollows. The man isn't exactly depicted well either - what I assume were extra shadows put on to make him look muscular and masculine have failed in their purpose, and instead just make him look wrinkly. He looks like my old maths teacher, a 50 year old red head with less than satisfactory personal hygiene, dressed in a fur nappy, and weilding an axe in a rather hopeless attempt to make this giant tiger fuck off. He hasn't got much luck really. I can't find an online depiction of the cover of the third book that I have, entitled 'Fighting Slave of Gor', but suffice it to say, the woman on the front is wearing madonna-esque cones on her breasts...but without any straps to hold them in place. This, I believe, answers any questions as to whether the artist had ever actually had any contact with a real live woman, because the only way I can imagine these things staying on is if the female mammary glands are, in fact, at least semi-gaseous in state, moving to fill all available space and thus forming a vacuum, suctioning the cones to the organs in question. Which still doesn't explain the lack of droop, but we'll leave some things to artistic license. Now, those of you who know me will be asking why I'm still snarking something as transitory and irrelevant as the cover art. 'Emma,' you may be crying. 'Why haven't you gotten on to the actual content yet? Are you putting it off?' Yes, I reply to you. Yes, I am putting it off. Because these things aren't just bad. They're horrific. ( Read more... ) (6 Comments | Comment on this)

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